Post 4: Where am I headed?
Lately with all of the flights that I’ve taken from Houston to LA and back, it’s given me so much time to reflect and think about my future during my three hour flight next to a random stranger. I don’t think that people think about how strenuous the airport experience actually is and I often think about how people with social anxiety probably hate it there. I usually come late to the airport on purpose. As a kid I loved the airport yet now I hate the experience as a whole! Going through the initial bag drop is always a process. The line is long and the employees just throw your bag like your items don’t matter! Then going through TSA has to be the most chaotic experience ever. There’s a constant feeling of being rushed and forced to declare where you’re going and who you are.
Lately, after these stressful experiences I sit and think about just that: who am I and where am I going. I think that being in college there is an immense amount of pressure on us to predict the future and know who we are. Its often hard to think about the future when you’re being challenged daily in your classes. Usually what motivates me is thinking about how much I want to be in the career that I’m pursuing. I’m currently studying psychology on the pre-medicine track. I intend to go to medical school but still not sure where and I don’t think I want to aim for a dream medical school. I’ve mostly just want to get there period. With the classes that I’ve taken so far to prepare me for medical school I don’t want to put any added pressure on myself to aim for a school. With the way that my anxiety is, I would worry about every decision that I make academically. Looking through the lens of pursuing a medical school would be too much.
I’ve been affirming myself towards my career daily to keep me going. I want to work in pediatrics after medical school. I’m still not sure in what capacity I want to work in but I know that I really want to help children. I love being around younger children and helping them. I’ve always had a passion for helping others and had an amazing pediatrician that influenced me into getting into the medical field. I want to also eventually open my own multifaceted practice. This practice would have an optometrist, therapist, dentist and more available for the kids. I believe in whole child healthcare. I want not only the parents but also the kids to understand and be apart of their healthcare team. Oftentimes, kids and patients in general are rushed in and out of clinic rooms in order to meet quotas and meet with as many patients as they can. I don’t believe this is realistic. There’s more to this career than just money when you’re dealing with people’s lives.
As far as who I am, i’m still figuring that out everyday. I don’t think i’ll have that truly figured out until I truly go through life more. As older people tell me all the time “you’ve just started living”. And honestly so far it’s had its ups and downs. However as I say in my writing projects, I’m most proud of these battles. They show you how tough you are and who you truly are.